Under-Powered Rovers Stuck in First Gear

9 Rubbish Rovers - Melchester last weekend

As expected, a threadbare squad struggled to contain MOP Brno who, without outclassing, won by simply outnumbering the Rovers in the first game after the summer break.

One for the scrapbook - a rare sighting of Rover's blue smelly change strip

Looking on the bright side, with one loss and two games in hand, Rover's league position allows us to employ such wonderful words as "lowly", "wallowing", and "languishing" to describe their present situation:

The good news for tomorrow night's midweek fixture is that celebrity Norwegian Vegard has been spotted back in the Brno, and that Rovers take on Tripoli Cafe "B" who, last season at least, were rubbish.

Mild-mannered soccerguy CK9 adds to the atmosphere with some vuvuzela

Actually, we weren't outnumbered after all.

Rovers: A New Beginning...

Nathaniel Golbaniel's message to the Rovers

After the comic-book highs and lows of the first season, Rovers' campaign was brought to a fittingly dramatic end with Roy Race fighting for his life (not for the first, or probably the last time in his illustrious career) and many other Rovers bearing the scars of a hard-fought campaign. Having narrowly escaped a play-off place, which might have seen the reds being promoted to a league where some semblence of football skills would be required, Melchester dispersed to their summer hideaways to lick their wounds.

Kimbrell accepts his Goal of the Season award

And so our heroes return, older, fatter and slower after an unintensive summer regime during which nary a ball was kicked. And with a new, streamlined and restructured BSMK league, Melchester Rovers have taken the brave decision to start from scratch, and work their way up from Division 3. As my old Grandad, a lifetime Leyton Orient fan once said, "I'd rather win enough games in this league not to get promoted, than get promoted and see us beaten every week."

Nathan's REAL award was for this:

However, Rovers may not be the only team to have thought of this, as a a quick look at the fixture list shows the reds will face some familiar foes. But that is all for the future, as today Rovers take on the unknown MOP Brno. And hope will be high that the new boys haven't found their shooting boots yet - with Melchester's top scorer and celebrity Norwegian Vegard Nordheim gorging on asskoek in Scandawegia, and mild-mannered soccerguy Colin Kimbrell suspended, the reds will be relying on the likes of Mestanek and Holland to supply a bundle of goals.

Oh, and we've got new shorts: